Long Days

Have you ever been in a room with hundreds of people and felt isolated and alone? Being a mum is like that sometimes. It's just you and your kids, your kids and you, you and your kids.

I've been feeling isolated lately. Lonely. Inadequate. Tired. My closest friend is my husband but money pays bills so someone has to provide. He wishes he could stay home but unless we win the lotto that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. He works long hours and I don't think I'm the only married woman with kids who has a husband she hardly sees.

Life, the way society is set up means they have to work these long hours so that we can keep up with the expense and get ahead somewhat. In turn, if the mother isn't working also and putting her kids in care (in order to pay mortgage and credit card and debt upon debt), those who remain home with their kids are alone for long hours of the day.

So why aren't we more involved with eachother? Why are their women who live 5 minutes from each other or right next door, sitting in their homes with their children around them feeling depressed because they have no support other than their husband who is doing what he can to provide for them, or single mums who have no support.

This consumer society I see has created a few problems. One being the easiness of getting what we want now now now and not saving up and managing finances better. We get a credit card, we buy what we want, we spend the next ten - twenty years paying it off with interest and then some. We put our hand out for a loan for cars and houses and then we slave away for the rest of our life paying it off.

This means mums work as well as dads so they can keep their heads above water and the  kids go to childcare. Less mums are home with their babies, leaving the ones who are a minority. The other thing I see is people need jobs to survive so they move where the work is which means a greater divide between families. My sisters are in Tasmania. My mum is in America. My brothers are in Queensland. I am alone in NSW. It means I have to lean on the strength and support of strangers in order to avoid loneliness and going crazy.

One of the biggest reasons I got PND with Noah was because I was isolated. I needed support and I didn't have it accessible except maybe once a week if that when my sisters could spare me some of their time. Now I see the pattern repeating. I have a baby. I'm home alot with the baby because she is young and needs regular sleeps. I don't get visits. No one calls me to ask me how my day is. Just me and the kids. I try with others. If I don't it doesn't happen.

So I am lonely. I am feeling a bit down. Life isn't as bad as it seems right now but I am sick of the fight of trying to create a support network and getting nowhere. I think I will try some more playgroups and find one that fits. But I think the way life is set up at the moment for families sucks.