SUCCESS

SO I put a manuscript in to PENGUIN for a kids book. They say it takes up to three months before they can reply and if you don't get a reply in those three months they are not interested. So I am waiting. I am also working on two other children's book ideas and will be posting them off to other publishing houses to try my luck. It's very competitive, I don't expect instant success but I am hoping.

My dream is that I write and illustrate books enough to bring in a good income and keep Andrew home with me to be my slave ... the kind I'll leave up to your imagination ;). But it has given such an incentive! I am painting and writing and taking risks with my creativity that I have only thought of but never actually attempted.

I think ... why did it take me so long? The truth ... I thought I would be discovered. Someone would go - "Oh my gosh you are so incredible, you're hired!" Vain much? I know I know, but when you get told you're so talented, you'll be famous one day, you're the best ... it kind of goes to your head. Then you get lazy. Then you get false expectations. Then you end up with a lot of talent and nothing to show for it. You've got to get out there. So I am.

The other part was fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of succeeding too! I have visions of my interview with Oprah when my novel is a success - yes, I visualise that far! But it fills me with butterflies of all kinds.

But you know what - I don't mind so much now because I have a reason to succeed. My husband. My utopia.