wake up, feed kids,entertain kids, clean house, feed kids, entertain kids, clean house, make lunch, clean up, entertain kids, put on ABC for Kids, make tea, pick up husband, eat tea, husband puts kids to bed, I clean up, kids procrastinate bed, husband and I watch a show or read and go to sleep.
Next day ...
As above.
Day after that...
Kids go to Daycare. I try not to clean up and do something for me like write or draw or paint or hang with a friend.
Day after that day ...
See first two entries.
Day after that day ...
As above.
Weekends...
Cleaning up. Grocery shopping. Catching up with friends sometimes. Family stuff.
Sunday...
Go to church for three hours. TV free day. Shopping free day. Cleaning free day. Sometimes see family. Entertain kids in the afternoon, maybe bake something, have tea, go to bed.
Next day...
Repeat all of the above.
Does that sound familiar to anyone? This week has been hard to deal with. I've been feeling pretty lonely, but in saying that I've contacted people, made some effort, but I know tomorrow is just going to be another lonely day unless I invite people over or plan something with someone. I get sick of making all the effort though. I am 6 months pregnant and low on energy and the heat sucks out what remains. It's easier to stay home but then I get bored and lonely and frustrated and so do the kids. I've looked into playgroups and found they are too expensive and alot of them not really worth it. I miss my old mates - Hannah, Linda, Katrina, Emma .... they were fun, they wanted to hang with me, effort was reciprocated, made me feel important, valued. One of my friends in particular looks fantastic and is always out on the weekends dressing up and having a blast with her friends. I realised I miss that. I love being social and hanging out with friends and having fun and I barely get that these days. Who knew getting married and having children meant being alone? A friend told me we all go through this stage when we have young kids. She even admitted feeling a little depressed over that period in her life. Why don't us mums look out for each other more? Why is the way things are in this community all about battling on your own. It shouldn't be that way. Maybe there would be less depression if we made more effort and took more consideration of each other. As the old African proverb states =
"It takes a community to raise a child."
Where's the community?
I've decided I am going to try and create a community. The thought makes me tired because I know I will have to do it on my own. But I know what I need and would like to have in my life and in my kids life. So I am going to start my own playgroups and every week or fortnight, organise a fun night socialising - whether it's with girls or couples. I just know I need more than one breather a week to help me be a more engaged and joyful mum too.
I was sent a letter the other day from a friend. She told me she couldn't be around me at the moment because it reminds her of what she's lost. We were only a week a part with our pregnancies and she tragically lost hers. While I understand, I also am not sure how to be when I see her next. I want to support her but what do I do. Give her space? Just smile at her from a distance and leave it at that? I will wait until she is ready to instigate the friendship again but until then I am just not sure what to do with myself when we're around each other. I don't want her to feel sad and be reminded of her loss everytime she looks at me. I still think I'm an ungrateful sod and should have been the one to lose the baby, not her. But we all have our trials, some far worse than others.
I respect her courage. I respect her honesty. I pray for her to have the strength to heal... and to mourn. I will miss her friendship for awhile.
Anyway, any other insights or perspectives on all of the above would be appreciated.
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