Thursday, August 16, 2012

Perfectly Imperfect

I was seriously contemplating deleting this blog. The reason: feeling a little exposed and fear, vulnerability, getting no heart to hearts or feedback from others ... then I discovered this email as I was cleaning out my inbox. I don't know how I missed it, but I did, and only found it now ... I have deleted the name to keep it private ... but it touched my heart ...

"Stumbled upon your blog... just wanted to tell you I love your honesty.  It is hard putting words in black and white on a blog.  It is different in our journals... but knowing someone out there might read them, puts a whole new perspective on it --- like we have more of a responsibility to be meaningful or something... as I read your words, I felt your heart... the most important part... 

It seems you must be LDS because of a comment about "no-TV Sundays" and "No chore Sundays" --- if you are not, I apologize... but a lot of "church" women (I am LDS) struggle with motherhood... we strive for perfection... we want the Spirit to give us strength to have the perfect Family Home Evenings... the perfect family meals... and alone in our closets - the only place we can find peace... we cry as we pray and fall apart...  

I wish more women would admit that they are struggling... I fell into a deep dark gambling cavern... and now I am basically inactive... yet my testimony is still burning strong... 

Well... thanks for allowing me to tell you how much it meant to read your blog... simple... honest... loved it!"
Thank you for sending that to me and for your honesty. I wish we were all more open and accepting of each other, then there would be less loneliness, depression and addictive behaviours because people would have people that are there for them and really care.We wouldn't punish or sabotage ourselves because we would know that everyone else is struggling as much as the other and that we are in this together, helping pull each other through each challenge instead of stepping on each others fingers to get out of the pit first. I am like my blog, put it out there and hope someone will meet me half way and I have been finding people like that far and few between, but your email, made all the difference. I guess people run from their weaknesses, its what I am laying on the table for everyone to see and poke at, and I hope if I disclose to others they will to me, but that's when I find alot of people run a mile, I guess facing our faults can be ugly and terrifying, but facing them is the only way to overcome them, even if facing them is learning to accept that ugly part of ourselves. But we all have so much to offer each other if only we'd give more honestly.
There is a cure for depression and all the beahviours that come with it: people. People who give a damn, people who take the time, people who truly love, people who don't judge, people who try and fail as much as any other, people who give.


  1. I might not always comment but I do read what you say. I think it's important to be honest. Don't think you don't have a voice. Love ya! xoxo

  2. Be brave... don't hit DELETE! We are all in this together...

  3. thanks guys! I think it has served its purpose.

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